New Jersey Enforcers Press Releases

  • The only way is... up? or nowhere? +

    NEW JERSEY - When animals realise that they have no chance in a fight, they sometimes play dead in order for their attackers to lose interest. Welcome to the season of the New Jersey Enforcers. After playing .500 ball in the first quarter of the season, infamous GM Marco Heinrich made some moves that sent his team back to the unpromised land. "Blame me! This season, I deserve it. I thought, we needed more offense to become a real player in the OBWL. As it turned out, guys like Ean Kariger, Mckinley Brownin, and Duncan Mitchell probably should have stayed", said Heinrich. The result was a 26-54 season. Crap. And a policy that forbid lineup changes for the most part in Read More
  • Should I stay? Should I go! +

    NEW JERSEY - After a stretch of eight away games in nine matchups, the New Jersey Enforcers sit at a record of 7-10. Not good, if you wanna compete for a playoff spot. Not bad, taking into account that it took the team 40 games to win seven one year ago. "We're in the mix. If we can beat teams like the Highlanders in one out of two games, we should be alright", says "Che" Robinson - who does well, considering that he's playing an unusual role at SG. This season features yet another start-from-the-scratch-approach in New Jersey. According to GM Marco Heinrich, it was supposed to be the last one. But it seems like the players don't quite follow that lead. Read More
  • "Let's be realistic. Let's do the impossible!" +

    NEW JERSEY - After winning no more than 23 games in 2019, fans in New Jersey thought, things couldn't get worse with the Enforcers. Well, they could. They did. Last season's 16-win-only-campaign was a complete disaster. Not even the president twittered about it. Sad. Now, same procedure as every year, GM Marco Heinrich fields a completely changed lineup. Will one of OBWL's most troubled franchises finally find a way to be something else than the league's doormat? This is the team that is going to try: Center: Trevor Jolley (John Cogswell, Fernando Turner) The Enforcers are currently in pain, Trevor Jolley knows what that feels like. After being a starter at Kansas City for five seasons, he played two disappointing years Read More
  • The Season of the Cauthen +

    NEW JERSEY - The New Jersey Enforcers were the hottest shit in the OBWL. For just a few moments. After beating the Swing and the Sharks. Two wins in a row - it has been the longest winning streak of the season. And it ended in another manhood-shrimpling performance against the Coyotes. 84-103. 8-36 free throws. 8-36! In a home game. It is a dead season for the Enforcers. It was not meant to be the year of Rudy Akamine. Or Gene Cantell's. Or Blake Cobb's. Instead, it became the year of William Cauthen. William Who? Scouts say, the 25 year old is a real threat from the free throw line. And isn't that great when your team gets eight free trips Read More
  • The Year of the Veterans +

    NEW JERSEY - Not too long ago, Gene Cantell and Rudy Akamine faced each other in the Game Seven of a thrilling series between the Anaheim Archers and the Kansas City Pioneers. Just a few weeks later, they are united - in an entirely different uniform. The New Jersey Enforcers added lots of veteran finesse and leadership by acquiring the two. But will they be able to prove that they can still stand the test of time? "Last time I played him, he scored 42 points in 28 minutes on the court. He went 15-for-23, too. So if that guy here is old, I'm looking forward to reaching his age", says Gene Cantell smiling. Akamine is 33. Cantell will reach this age Read More
  • Miquel Wolock: How to Build a Wall +

    NEW JERSEY - There's a new man in town. Miquel Wolock signed a three year deal, making him the new Head Coach of the New Jersey Enforcers. A dismal 30-50 season with the Kentucky Stallions didn't give the Enforcers second thoughts. Wolock is going to make $4,170,000 per season. The defensive guru already has plans for his new team - despite the fact that only five players are currently under contract. What is the new style of the Enforcers going to be?Wolock: "I will build a great wall - and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me - and I'll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall around our baskets. And I will make the Tritons pay for that Read More
  • Omnipotence too strong for the OBDL +

    OTTAWA - In the end, it was a thrashing. The Ottawa Omnipotence went through the OBDL playoffs "like a bullett through a leg", as Season MVP Zackary Stubbs put it. In the Finals, Eric Stelle's Lions de Paris got swept. Bad. The affiliate of the Anaheim Archers never came close to winning even a single game. In total contrast to their big brother in the OBWL, the New Jersey Enforcers, Ottawa ended the season, feeling too big of a fish in the small pond of the OBDL. Rumors that Enforcers GM Marco Heinrich tried to spend a so-called "Activity point" to lift the Omnis into the big league instead of the Enforcers were denied, though. Still, some players made their point Read More
  • Playing for Beavertails +

    OTTAWA - It's not the playoff run you hope for, when the OBWL starts into a new season. But after all, it's a playoff run. So, New Jersey Enforcers GM Marco Heinrich decided to wear a hat of his OBDL affiliate Ottawa Omnipotence while reflecting on yet another disappointing season of his major league team. "When you win only 23 games in a season, you can't be happy about it. But really, the part that disturbed me the most was, that losing didn't even bother me. It was the first time in this position that I just didn't care anymore", says Heinrich. Having faced yet another maximum budget cut, Heinrich tried a strategy that simply failed. "No matter what position was Read More
  • This Is Not a Love Song +

    NEW JERSEY - The season of the Enforcers is a disappointment. If you consider the Titanic a disappointment. Or KvM's latest diet. The Enforcers stand at 15-26 - and they got nothing to be proud of. Blake Cobb shines at times, but overall he's not the leader everybody hoped him to be. Duncan Mitchell failed to make a great first impression. Kenneth Dashiell started a shooting slump just when he appeared to play like a starter. And Darin Deans will probably jump ship as soon as he gets offered an MLE during free agency. It's bad. "Some say, the glass is half-empty. I say, it's half full - filled with fesis!", says GM Marco Heinrich with half of the season in the books. Read More
  • Helter Skelter +

    NEW JERSEY - It's disturbing. The performance of the New Jersey Enforcers on the one hand. But even more so, the reaction of GM Marco Heinrich when he addressed his team and staff after the humiliating loss at the dismal Detroit Muscle, the Enforcers' 5th straight defeat. The footage is somewhat dazing. Parental discretion is advised. After his rant, that reportedly took place in the practice fields of Denver Demons maniac Klaus von Meyerinck, Heinrich got his act together again and answered questions. But he sure wasn't happy about his team going 8-14 despite a home-heavy schedule. "Watching this team is like watching the second season of 'Mr Robot'. There is no sexy chick involved. Nothing makes sense most of the Read More
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