Thursday, 13 April 2017 05:33

The Season of the Cauthen

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NEW JERSEY - The New Jersey Enforcers were the hottest shit in the OBWL. For just a few moments. After beating the Swing and the Sharks. Two wins in a row - it has been the longest winning streak of the season. And it ended in another manhood-shrimpling performance against the Coyotes. 84-103. 8-36 free throws. 8-36! In a home game.

It is a dead season for the Enforcers. It was not meant to be the year of Rudy Akamine. Or Gene Cantell's. Or Blake Cobb's. Instead, it became the year of William Cauthen. William Who?

Scouts say, the 25 year old is a real threat from the free throw line. And isn't that great when your team gets eight free trips to the line in their games? Besides that, he has a good jump shot - and nothing much else. Which is enough for the Enforcers to give him the starting job at SG, and a three-year extension. To be fair: a very inexpensive one.

Taliking to men like owner Edward Hungerford or GM Marco Heinrich, pretty much every question about William Cauther or about any other member of the current team raises eyebrows: "Man, you really wanna talk about it?"

With just a handful players not having expiring contracts, the only inrteresting question remains: Will PG Duncan Mitchell use his option or will he test free agency? But does it even matter?

"This is a win-win situation. Our only one right now", says Heinrich. "Duncan plays a solid year on a team that is worse than T.C. Boyle's recent novel. Can you believe that? Worse than "The Terranauts"! [Heinrich starts crying. He recovers after about five minutes] I'd be happy if Duncan stays. But if he doesn't, we have 11.5 more millions to spend."

So who will be playing for the Enforcers next season? Crumley, Baum, Dong? Or rather Stephan Willis, Charles Banks, and John Puryear?

Nobody knows. And it's still half a season and an entire post-season, before anybody will start caring. One thing is for sure, though: William Cauthen will be on board. William Who?

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